Hysterical Paroxysm

Be Ira Glass![via frank-c]I only make passes at boys with...

Sun, 29 Jun 2008 14:34:00 -0400

Be Ira Glass!
[via frank-c]

“Do you really love the taste of Cheez-Its but feel all...

Thu, 26 Jun 2008 17:40:59 -0400

“Do you really love the taste of Cheez-Its but feel all poor and stuff eating something with a Z in its name? Try these elegant cheese straws. Princess Di LOVED them.”

- Katie Karlson
[via Courtney Balestier’s GChat away message]

Target Women: Yogurt[via Hudson Meredith]“Yogurt-eaters...

Tue, 24 Jun 2008 01:43:42 -0400

Target Women: Yogurt
[via Hudson Meredith]

“Yogurt-eaters come from every race, but just one socio-economic class: the class that wears gray hoodies. It’s that ‘I have a Master’s, but then I got married!’ look.”

Neo-Futurists - Exile in GuyvilleRex’s link to...

Tue, 24 Jun 2008 01:12:00 -0400

Neo-Futurists - Exile in Guyville

Rex’s link to Pitchfork’s…ahem…provocative piece about the 15th anniversary of Liz Phair’s “Exile in Guyville” reminded me of this piece, from fellow Chicagoans, the Neo-Futurists.

“SHUT UP, STUPID!”

Not only is Pitchfork’s review lame in that its premise takes the artistic agency away from Phair herself and places it squarely with every swinging dick from The Rolling Stones to the Johnny and Joe of her songs, but the comment at the end about Guyville being “one of the most accessible [albums written from a female perspective] to men” because Phair “never lets her defenses get in the way,” and “knows that sex will always be tough, so she always has to be tougher” is a backhanded insult to just about every other female musician who writes about the dynamic between men and women.

Whether Dahlen realizes he’s coming across this way or not, that statement smacks of: “Thank you, Liz, for singing in that glorious deadpan, without wailing like a banshee, or injecting too much venom into your voice. Kate Bush is too loopy and weird! PJ Harvey is too snarly! Thank you for never blaming any of us too much, for accepting that sex is just hard! (How come that Alanis Morrissette is so pissed at us, anyway?) Thank you especially for being “tough.” Joni Mitchell? Suzanne Vega? Boring marshmallow creampuffs. Thank you for playing a goddamn guitar and not a piano. And most of all, thank you for definitely not singing about sexual assault like Tori Amos, or Fiona Apple, or Ani DiFranco. That makes us feel bad.”

Since we’re thanking people, I’d like to take this opportunity to thank Joan Baez for all of Bob Dylan’s contributions, and Ben Folds, for being one of the girls.

Bitch, did you know you're ORANGE

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 19:45:13 -0400

SH: ok, so I made the hugest mistake of my life yesterday. like, huge, critical error in judgment.
Briana Mowrey: you bought gladiator sandals?
SH: No. Worse.
Briana Mowrey: ew, worse?
SH: I. got. a. Spray tan.
Briana Mowrey: hahahahha
SH: I am the size, shape and color of an oompa loompa.
Briana Mowrey: http://www.last.fm/music/Lady+Sovereign/_/Tango

"Where are my/where are my/where are my panties?"

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 11:26:52 -0400

Blanche: “Do you know what I hate doing most after a party?”

Rose: “Trying to find your underwear in the big pile?”

via The Golden Girls - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Jason Mecier“Absolutely Fabulous”24” x 24...

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 01:00:42 -0400

Jason Mecier
“Absolutely Fabulous”
24” x 24 “
with cocktail bottles and clock

Sweetie, darling! I don’t know if you can see, but get ready for this, sweetie: this fabulous thing is made entirely with beans and pasta! Mecier, sweetie, Mecier!

[via drinkerthinker]Gimme some head (pops).I’m totally...

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 23:54:11 -0400

[via drinkerthinker]

Gimme some head (pops).

I’m totally into the orange-flavored Lincoln. Betcha @EffingBoring is, too.

My roommate pointed out: Freud as a Head Pop? Man. He would have had a field day with that!

[via]WHY IS EVERYONE TALKING ABOUT THIS GAME?!

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 21:33:15 -0400

[via]

WHY IS EVERYONE TALKING ABOUT THIS GAME?!

"Barack Obama has the DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE tattooed on his stomach. It’s upside-down, so..."

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 08:42:24 -0400

“Barack Obama has the DECLARATION OF INDEPENDENCE tattooed on his stomach. It’s upside-down, so he can read it while doing sit-ups.”

- Rumors Barack Obama’s campaign shouldn’t try to correct. - By Christopher Beam - Slate Magazine

"I make jokes about it, but it’s the truth that I kind of patterned my look after the town..."

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 08:17:00 -0400

“I make jokes about it, but it’s the truth that I kind of patterned my look after the town tramp. I didn’t know what she was, just this woman who was blond and piled her hair up, wore high heels and tight skirts, and, boy, she was the prettiest thing I’d ever seen. Momma used to say, ‘Aw, she’s just trash,’ and I thought, That’s what I want to be when I grow up. Trash.”

- Dolly Parton, on her signature look

Use Your AllusionSo, seriously, you guys. YOU. GUYS....

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 02:54:00 -0400

Use Your Allusion

So, seriously, you guys. YOU. GUYS. Seriously!

Aimee Mann.

She looks like a German nihilist, dresses like a mod Annie Hall, and writes the most literate pop songs going.

Listening to her latest album, the allusion-filled @#%&*! Smilers, is like heading to an all-night diner with the smartest girl in your college classes for bitter coffee, and even more bitter banter.

The lyrics to one of my particular new favorites, the melancholy “True Believer”, could practically serve as the Wikipedia entry for Spiritualism. Using the séance as an extended metaphor to sing about faded love and longing for the unattainable, Mann deftly weaves in choice historical tidbits about the mid-nineteenth century religion.

The “Mary” in “Mary, dim the lights” likely refers to Mary Todd Lincoln, who turned to Spiritualism after her young son Willie died of typhoid fever. Apparently, she held several séances in the White House trying to contact him, which her husband, President Abraham Lincoln, and prominent members of society attended.

The line “Houdini blows the gag again” is also rooted in fact. Like Mary Todd Lincoln, Houdini was inspired to look into Spiritualism after a death: the passing of his cherished mother. Unfortunately, Houdini’s unique training allowed him to see through the illusions fraud mediums would use.

Although he first sought comfort in the religion, the magician soon made it his personal misson to debunk spiritualists, who he believed preyed upon those in mourning. Houdini went so far as attend séances in diguise, and “when he had gathered enough evidence to make an exposure, he would leap up, tear off his disguise and shout something like ‘I am Houdini! And you are a fraud!’”

Ghost. Busted.

[album art by Gary Taxali]

[via AndrewH85]You might be a redneck if…

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 15:37:59 -0400

[via AndrewH85]

You might be a redneck if…

"The dap or pound, as it’s also called, was a natural and beguiling moment that showed the country..."

Fri, 13 Jun 2008 15:35:28 -0400

“The dap or pound, as it’s also called, was a natural and beguiling moment that showed the country that, even though she started out as her husband’s boss and has a résumé that matches his, she likes him and is rooting for him, and is not engaged in a dreaded Clintonesque competition with him.”

- Op-Ed Columnist - Maureen Dowd - Mincing Up Michelle - Op-Ed - NYTimes.com
Thank you, Obamas, for bringing “dap” into the NYT lexicon.

[via]Denise MickilowskiApricots With Purple Tissue2007Dag....

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 21:50:16 -0400

[via]

Denise Mickilowski
Apricots With Purple Tissue
2007

Dag. This lady paints “apricots” like Georgia O’Keeffe paints “flowers”.

[via]I was shopping in MXYPLYZYK today when I noticed a book...

Sat, 24 May 2008 18:12:00 -0400

[via]

I was shopping in MXYPLYZYK today when I noticed a book called Tart Cards: London’s Illicit Advertising Art, filled with galleries of cards similar to this one.

Tart cards “are cards found in phone booths in London (especially) and in certain places elsewhere in the United Kingdom that advertise the services of call girls.”

Seeing the book made me recall them myself from a trip to London with my father nearly decade ago, when I (surreptitiously) nicked a few to keep as funny souvenirs.

irony[via Simon Crowley](This applies to my love of Hall &...

Fri, 23 May 2008 10:37:00 -0400

irony
[via Simon Crowley]

(This applies to my love of Hall & Oates. And Steve Perry.)

Miiowrey[via ldandersen]My boyfriend and I invested in a Wii for...

Tue, 20 May 2008 01:59:59 -0400

Miiowrey
[via ldandersen]

My boyfriend and I invested in a Wii for our one-year anniversary. Here’s my lil’ melon-headed avatar. (It’s like lookin’ in a miirror!)

I’m still getting the hang of this new-fangled Mario Kart (being the reigning queen of the N64 edition). My driving style thus far might best described as “Splendor in the Grass.”

Yuko Shimizu“V - ‘Virgin in Vinyl’”2003

Sun, 18 May 2008 11:58:19 -0400

Yuko Shimizu
“V - ‘Virgin in Vinyl’”
2003

Dorothy Parker No. 2[via Reckon] alex: I want to have like...

Fri, 16 May 2008 01:45:00 -0400

Dorothy Parker No. 2
[via Reckon]

alex: I want to have like three enduring quotes. like a winston churchill level of quotability
me: or woody allen
alex: yeah
me: i strive for woody allen
alex: being a dorothy parker would suck, because inevitably a lot of quotes that you don’t even think are that good get famous
me: HAHA
alex: and you’re ultimately unsatisfied with your sham legacy
me: she was like, “that? shit, i was blotto at the time”
alex: yeah
me: “imagine if i was really trying!”
alex: haha
me: poor, poor dorothy parker
alex: exactly
alex: oscar wilde could sneeze artfully and it would be immortalized