Hysterical Paroxysm
Jun 25, 2009 5:42pm
RIPT FUSION
“RIPT FUSION is a body-sculpting undershirt designed to support your core, shave inches off your belly and enhance your posture. Immediately, you will look and feel better in your clothes with a heightened sense of core consciousness.”
Oh, I get it.
It’s like Spanx for men who are trying to pretend they don’t have body shame.

RIPT FUSION

“RIPT FUSION is a body-sculpting undershirt designed to support your core, shave inches off your belly and enhance your posture. Immediately, you will look and feel better in your clothes with a heightened sense of core consciousness.”

Oh, I get it.

It’s like Spanx for men who are trying to pretend they don’t have body shame.

Jun 25, 2009 1:44pm
Do you at least sympathize with the guy who’s only at your show because his girlfriend has dragged him there? No. I just think, “I’m gonna get you laid tonight, buddy. You’ve gotta thank me.”
[via 15 Quick Questions for Tori Amos | Spin Magazine Online]

Do you at least sympathize with the guy who’s only at your show because his girlfriend has dragged him there?
No. I just think, “I’m gonna get you laid tonight, buddy. You’ve gotta thank me.”

[via 15 Quick Questions for Tori Amos | Spin Magazine Online]

Jun 10, 2009 10:59am
LATFHP: Look at These Fucking Harem Pants. [via my Flickr]
Spotted on L train platform on my way to work this morning. (Also, plus gladiator sandals? Really? You’re mixing metaphors here. Are you heading off to tell stories to King Shahryar or are you getting ready to slay a tiger in the Colosseum?)I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again.Harem pants. What you’re aiming for: runway fashion model. What you’ll settle for: I Dream of Jeannie. What you really look like: MC Hammer.I almost asked her to do The Running Man for me.

LATFHP: Look at These Fucking Harem Pants.
[via my Flickr]

Spotted on L train platform on my way to work this morning.

(Also, plus gladiator sandals? Really? You’re mixing metaphors here. Are you heading off to tell stories to King Shahryar or are you getting ready to slay a tiger in the Colosseum?)

I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again.

Harem pants. What you’re aiming for: runway fashion model. What you’ll settle for: I Dream of Jeannie. What you really look like: MC Hammer.

I almost asked her to do The Running Man for me.

Jun 10, 2009 2:09am

At the behest of like, all my friends, I have fiiiiinally started renting “Freaks and Geeks.” I have to say, I am really enjoying it thus far.

(There. Are you happy, friends? You may all say “I told you so” in unison now.)

I don’t know why I was so resistant to watching it for so long, other than maybe seeing “Undeclared” first kind of underwhelmed me? Also, I hear Judd Apatow, and I think bros, and high school has already been perfectly crystallized on film for me by my girl, Angela Chase. Then again, the Linda Cardellini character in “Freaks and Geeks” is pretty sassy, and what has Claire Danes done for me lately? Terminator 3? (I like to pretend she died right after she filmed MSCL otherwise thinking of all that unfulfilled promise really bums me out.)

And this cast of bros? They’re all still entertaining me now. I would like Jason Segel on a cracker. I will probably even watch his Muppet movie. Seth Rogan is…my spirit animal. I was happy to see Martin Starr, who plays the oddball Bill, turn up in the new show “Party Down.” And, James Franco. Ahh, James Franco.

I saw the Spiderman films and did not think much of him. He wasn’t exactly boyishly cute, not quite manly handsome. Kind of mediocre all around. His performance in Pineapple Express was the first time where I thought, “NOW I GET IT.” James Franco’s true potential can only be unlocked when he is playing burnouts. See above “Freaks and Geeks” clip where he perfectly captures (as Jared Leto/Jordan Catalano did before) the way a smooth stoner can so casually steal your heart with a few kind words.

Turns out I like my fictional Franco like I like my hair dryer setting: hot and high.

Jun 1, 2009 4:55pm
thesarahhatter (4:43:32 PM):   Delivery:        $24,500.00Shipping Includedthesarahhatter (4:43:37 PM): shipping included!!!!!!bpmowrey (4:48:11 PM): “On May 16, 2009, Ryan Cabrera performed at Pennsbury High School’s senior prom in Fairless Hills, Pennsylvania.”bpmowrey (4:48:20 PM): that. was my high school.thesarahhatter (4:48:26 PM): ahhhhhh ha ha ha hathesarahhatter (4:48:37 PM): This product is covered by the Sam’s Club Member Satisfaction Guarantee.bpmowrey (4:48:43 PM): which pretty handily explains why i hated high school.thesarahhatter (4:48:59 PM): The culmination of his performing career occurred in 2005thesarahhatter (4:49:08 PM): it’s good that he’s admitted the downhill slopethesarahhatter (4:49:13 PM): I love honesty.bpmowrey (4:49:47 PM): “Dave Matthews gave Cabrera the inspiration to pick up an acoustic guitar, but it was Steve Jones that taught Cabrera almost everything he knows about guitar at Dallas Melody.”

sh:
Add to the mother fucking cart, bitches!

thesarahhatter (4:43:32 PM):   Delivery:        $24,500.00

Shipping Included
thesarahhatter (4:43:37 PM): shipping included!!!!!!
bpmowrey (4:48:11 PM): “On May 16, 2009, Ryan Cabrera performed at Pennsbury High School’s senior prom in Fairless Hills, Pennsylvania.”
bpmowrey (4:48:20 PM): that. was my high school.
thesarahhatter (4:48:26 PM): ahhhhhh ha ha ha ha
thesarahhatter (4:48:37 PM): This product is covered by the Sam’s Club Member Satisfaction Guarantee.
bpmowrey (4:48:43 PM): which pretty handily explains why i hated high school.
thesarahhatter (4:48:59 PM): The culmination of his performing career occurred in 2005
thesarahhatter (4:49:08 PM): it’s good that he’s admitted the downhill slope
thesarahhatter (4:49:13 PM): I love honesty.
bpmowrey (4:49:47 PM): “Dave Matthews gave Cabrera the inspiration to pick up an acoustic guitar, but it was Steve Jones that taught Cabrera almost everything he knows about guitar at Dallas Melody.”

sh:

Add to the mother fucking cart, bitches!
Jun 1, 2009 4:34pm
Trunkettes
Oh, I get it.
It’s like boardshorts for women who are trying to pretend they don’t have body shame.

Trunkettes

Oh, I get it.

It’s like boardshorts for women who are trying to pretend they don’t have body shame.

Jan 23, 2009 11:16am
In the scale of embarrassing place names, Crapstone ranks pretty high. But Britain is full of them. Some are mostly amusing, like Ugley, Essex; East Breast, in western Scotland; North Piddle, in Worcestershire; and Spanker Lane, in Derbyshire.
Others evoke images that may conflict with residents’ efforts to appear dignified when, for example, applying for jobs.
These include Crotch Crescent, Oxford; Titty Ho, Northamptonshire; Wetwang, East Yorkshire; Slutshole Lane, Norfolk; and Thong, Kent. And, in a country that delights in lavatory humor, particularly if the word “bottom” is involved, there is Pratts Bottom, in Kent, doubly cursed because “prat” is slang for buffoon.
As for Penistone, a thriving South Yorkshire town, just stop that sophomoric snickering. “It’s pronounced ‘PENNIS-tun,’ ” Fiona Moran, manager of the Old Vicarage Hotel in Penistone, said over the telephone, rather sharply. When forced to spell her address for outsiders, she uses misdirection, separating the tricky section into two blameless parts: “p-e-n” — pause — “i-s-t-o-n-e.”
[via Anita, via No Snickering - That Road Sign Means Something Else - NYTimes.com]

In the scale of embarrassing place names, Crapstone ranks pretty high. But Britain is full of them. Some are mostly amusing, like Ugley, Essex; East Breast, in western Scotland; North Piddle, in Worcestershire; and Spanker Lane, in Derbyshire.

Others evoke images that may conflict with residents’ efforts to appear dignified when, for example, applying for jobs.

These include Crotch Crescent, Oxford; Titty Ho, Northamptonshire; Wetwang, East Yorkshire; Slutshole Lane, Norfolk; and Thong, Kent. And, in a country that delights in lavatory humor, particularly if the word “bottom” is involved, there is Pratts Bottom, in Kent, doubly cursed because “prat” is slang for buffoon.

As for Penistone, a thriving South Yorkshire town, just stop that sophomoric snickering. “It’s pronounced ‘PENNIS-tun,’ ” Fiona Moran, manager of the Old Vicarage Hotel in Penistone, said over the telephone, rather sharply. When forced to spell her address for outsiders, she uses misdirection, separating the tricky section into two blameless parts: “p-e-n” — pause — “i-s-t-o-n-e.”

[via Anita, via No Snickering - That Road Sign Means Something Else - NYTimes.com]

Jan 22, 2009 4:48pm
Pants Optional - A Relatively Civilized Fashion Primer for the Well-Clad
[via Neatorama]
I adore this “fashion primer.” It really reminds me a lot of the awesome Monty Python and the Holy Grail linking animations.

Pants Optional - A Relatively Civilized Fashion Primer for the Well-Clad

[via Neatorama]

I adore this “fashion primer.” It really reminds me a lot of the awesome Monty Python and the Holy Grail linking animations.

Jan 8, 2009 7:05pm
This Week In Tabloids: Thin Jen Writes Poetry For John; SJP’s Moving Out
Jen’s “Easy Diet and Workout Secrets”
Don’t eat. Also: Run every morning at 6 a.m. and do yoga every other day.
Look at her face, y’all! It’s JUST THAT EASY!

This Week In Tabloids: Thin Jen Writes Poetry For John; SJP’s Moving Out

Jen’s “Easy Diet and Workout Secrets”

Don’t eat. Also: Run every morning at 6 a.m. and do yoga every other day.

Look at her face, y’all! It’s JUST THAT EASY!

Jan 8, 2009 6:19pm
Fig. 1 Starlet suffering from “exhaustion”
Fig. 2Cat “suffering” from catnip

The Backstory:ben(5:49:33 PM): awesomeme (5:49:37 PM): thanks!ben (5:49:40 PM): very appropriate imagesme (5:49:46 PM): i was looking through my Flickr favorites last nightme (5:49:53 PM): and saw Orange passed outben (5:49:58 PM): hahame (5:49:59 PM): and it reminded me ben (5:49:59 PM): yeahben (5:50:00 PM): poor orangeme (5:50:34 PM): orange isn’t your cat, is it?ben (5:50:37 PM): noben (5:50:43 PM): he was a homeless kitty who lived in the backyard of my old houseben (5:50:47 PM): and he’d come in now and thenme (5:50:48 PM): awwwwwme (5:51:08 PM): he had a nip problem?me (5:51:13 PM): that’s why he was homeless?me (5:51:21 PM): because the nip ruined his life?ben (5:51:35 PM): totally hooked on the junk, yeahme (5:52:04 PM): well maybe he should just become a lesbianme (5:52:13 PM): that’s a career saver.ben (5:52:48 PM): i’ll take your word for it.me (5:53:26 PM): or lindsay lohan’s word for it.

Fig. 1 
Starlet suffering from “exhaustion”

Fig. 2
Cat “suffering” from catnip

The Backstory:
ben(5:49:33 PM): awesome
me (5:49:37 PM): thanks!
ben (5:49:40 PM): very appropriate images
me (5:49:46 PM): i was looking through my Flickr favorites last night
me (5:49:53 PM): and saw Orange passed out
ben (5:49:58 PM): haha
me (5:49:59 PM): and it reminded me
ben (5:49:59 PM): yeah
ben (5:50:00 PM): poor orange
me (5:50:34 PM): orange isn’t your cat, is it?
ben (5:50:37 PM): no
ben (5:50:43 PM): he was a homeless kitty who lived in the backyard of my old house
ben (5:50:47 PM): and he’d come in now and then
me (5:50:48 PM): awwwww
me (5:51:08 PM): he had a nip problem?
me (5:51:13 PM): that’s why he was homeless?
me (5:51:21 PM): because the nip ruined his life?
ben (5:51:35 PM): totally hooked on the junk, yeah
me (5:52:04 PM): well maybe he should just become a lesbian
me (5:52:13 PM): that’s a career saver.
ben (5:52:48 PM): i’ll take your word for it.
me (5:53:26 PM): or lindsay lohan’s word for it.

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